photo has been altered to protect the not so innocent

Wednesday, May 30, 2012


if you have them, you don't want them. if you don't, you do. 
i used to like my boobs. they were full, perky and fit nicely into my bras. oh, how the times have changed! 
gravity, kids and age have turned the girls into something resembling a knee high sport sock. at night i find myself shoving a pillow between my boobs to be more comfortable when i sleep to avoid boob sweat and suffocation.

and with that random rant, i'm off to find my pillow!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


if i stop and think about it, i've pretty much taken my health for granted all these years. i've never had to go to the doctor for anything other than cranking out a couple of kids and a few ear infections here and there.

old age has officially kicked in! i had a ct scan last week and found out today that my "inconclusive" results show that i have an umbilical hernia and early stages of pelvic congestion syndrome. say what?!?! i'm a little overwhelmed by it all at the moment and need to find out more. 

as a post memorial day celebration i get to go in for an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy. yeah me! nothing like two up the poop in two years. again, yeah me! nothing in moderation.

in the meantime, i will try not to overdose on web md or my new favorite thing, a tasty little treasure my hubs found for me :). thank you Anheuser-Busch  !
nice to meet ya rita!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

man of my dreams

a few maker's mark and gingers in...
good thing he has no idea about this blog...yet! 

Friday, May 18, 2012

breakfast of champions

this my friends in the breakfast of champions... 

wait for  it...

wait for it...
that's right folks, a barium banana smoothie! have i mentioned before how getting old sucks? i have the pleasure of chocking two of these bad boys down this am for a CT scan. not as bad as i thought, but certainly not what i was hankering for this morning.
i'm hungry...

i'm off to be set all aglow!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

sainthood or martyrdom?

i'm not sure who i am supposed to contact, but i think it's time for a nomination. the only problem is that i just can't decide which is more appropriate, sainthood or martyrdom? 

the last few weeks have been incredibly trying with my 5 year old. her sass and attitude have driven me to the brink of crazy town. i spent a few tearful moments trying to figure out what i am doing wrong, consulted with friends, family and even my dad. the trouble with sharing with my dad is that at times he takes things to the extreme, but during our discussion he assured me i was doing it right. "be consistent, don't let her see that she gets to you, love her to death and let her know that she is disappointing you when she is disrespectful".

and with that came the threat of staying at home for a pending trip to disney. talk about kicking 'em where it counts!

she had a few days to prove herself and if she blew it, home she would stay. shockingly, she pulled through and was able to go with her cousins and grandparents to disney for the weekend.

i selflessly offered to assist my in-laws. they were embarking on a four day adventure with FIVE grandchildren ranging in age from 2 to 5, yep... 5 kids! i couldn't justify my children being part of the 5 without lending a hand, so i went along.

i am not cut out for such adventures. it was simply exhausting. rotating five children through restrooms, waiting in lines, going on rides, changing diapers of children who don't belong to me, finding food that picky eaters would eat, telling kids a millions times not to put the pool water in their mouths because someone probably just peed in it, #'2's in public restrooms, touching  and some licking of every possible surface at the park and running out of beer on day 2 was more than this cat could handle.

but this made it worth it all...

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

what a nightmare!

i seriously just spent over an hour and a half trying to access my blog!! i have no brain. i was going in cyber space circles and just about lost my cool. i was literally breaking into a sweat, getting chest pains and feeling queasy! i am by no means a "techie", but i felt technologically illiterate today. i think my heart rate has slowed enough that i can now stand up without passing out. 

the good news is, that i am back in business with lots to ramble about. my ramblings can wait until later since i pretty much blew my load on today's escapades. 

until next time...

Thursday, May 3, 2012

i used to know stuff

as i was walking on the beach wednesday morning in an attempt to decompress from my stimulus overload on a recent disney cruise, it dawned on me that i used to know stuff, a lot of stuff. some of it rather useless stuff in the eyes of many, but i knew stuff. stuff like the little plucking plover that graces our shores loses 30% of its body weight over a weekend at the beach because they are constantly running away from annoying people like me invading their habitat. or that there are different types of mangroves or that there are actually really important things going on in this world. now... i got nothing!

i no longer read issues of newsweek, i rarely watch the news for fear that my girls will see something awful and instead of catching up on current events each night on my computer or reading something of value, i find myself on pinterest, facebook or reading the latest celebrity gossip. what has become of me? i had a brain at one point, i'm just not sure what happened to it.